Today this entry will be a bit sad because my mother would have been 76 years today. She died 1981, so she has been dead for a long time but I always think of her.
I was only 16 years when she died and that incident has formed a good deal of my life. Back then there was no counselor in school who you could go and talk to and no psychologist you could get help from when everything just was black and cold inside.
My dad was absolutely heartbroken and couldn´t offer me any help. He had himself to deal with and my younger brother, who was only eleven at that time. I had to fend for myself and that I did back the and that I still do.
I miss our coversations and someone to guide and help me but what I miss the most is that I no longer can remember her voice or her smell. After all these years I don´t remember them anymore. It´s so sad,
But I know she would have loved my new life, the farm and Portugal, and she would absolutely have loved Franck and Bernard, our friends who have helped us so much.
There is another sad thing about this day. A year ago Ase and I had just got off the plane and were standing outside Lisbon airport when Ase got a call. I was her youngest son Adam who called to tell that a friend of his had just died an a ski accident in Verbier. His mum, dad and sister live on the same street as we did back in Sweden. It felt so unnecessary since he wasn´t even 21.
Mum was 42.
Tonight we are lighting two candles, one for mum and one for Erik. Maybe we will have a glass of wine as well.